I AM ... AN ILLUSION?
A story about a loss... and finding yourself.Our heroine is Ksenia, a 43-year-old Russian woman. She devoted herself to the family, but when the children grew up, most of the maternal worries were in the past. She feels as if the world has sped away, and she is left out of work. Her lack of understanding of her place in the world is painfully discordant with her seemingly prosperous life.
Who is she besides her mother and wife? Was that all she could do?
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Dmitry is a successful businessman, and he hopes that Ksenia will benefit from Buddhism. Dmitry invites Ksenia to a monastery in London, where he introduces her to the monks. After that, they all decide to go to practice meditation in Myanmar (Burma).

Myanmar is a closed and difficult country to travel in. To enlist the protection and support of Burmese monks, friends agree to make a film about Buddhism for a Russian TV channel. Raini Hauser, a doctor of psychology from Switzerland, is traveling with them as an expert, and during the trip he becomes Ksenia's main mentor in her search.

Our heroes fly to Myanmar and travel around the country with monks. Ksenia interviews monks, climbs into ancient caves to visit hermits, plays with children in the municipal school, feeds novices and helps to harvest crops. But she is constantly gnawed by a sense of her own worthlessness, discord with her life. Every day Rainey conducts psychological sessions with Ksenia.

Quotes from the series:
"I can see that you blame yourself for missing your way. Now I want to tell you something important. As long as you blame yourself for something you didn't do, that's the moment you walk away from yourself." Rainie Hauser

"You have to go inside to get to know yourself. Get used to yourself, make friends with yourself. Don't think about the bad stuff. Find the beauty in yourself. And gradually your mind will clear." Venerable U Lokanath

"Step by step! We need to study our speech, actions, and thoughts — so understanding will come more and more, and illusions will fade into the background, slowly." The Honourable Ashin Tondara

"How many things do you need to do to get to the top!" The Venerable Ashin Nyanisara
Trailer for the TV series "I am ... An illusion?"
Filming location:
Myanmar, United Kingdom (London)
Date:
The film was shot in 2013, edited in 2021
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Chapter 2. My Inner Critic, Myanmar
Chapter 1. Who Am I? London (England), Myanmar.
Ksenia devoted her life to her family, but when the children grew up, she felt that she was left out of work. Who is she besides her mother and wife? Was that all she could do? Dmitry is a friend of Ksenia and hopes that meditation and Buddhism will help her in her crisis. He invites her to visit a Burmese monastery in London, where his Myanmar monk friend U Lokanath lives.
We get to know Myanmar through the eyes of heroes. But the serene landscapes, the simple life of local residents, the life of young nuns do not calm down, but aggravate the internal conflicts of the heroine.: "Maybe all these thoughts about the path and fate are all an illusion? A newfangled Western idea? A Hollywood movie? A whim?"
Chapter 4. I'm full, Myanmar
Chapter 3. My Concentration, Myanmar
Ksenia and Edita arrive at the meditation center. But the local monks postpone their meditation for a long time, instead they keep the heroines busy with work. The local lifestyle helps women slow down and prepare for practice...

"Meditation or enlightenment is just a skill. If you practice something day after day, you will eventually succeed in it."
Monks talk about the basic concepts of Theravada Buddhism, Rainey shares his understanding of psychology, others give wise advice. But the information is even more overwhelming, loading Ksenia's mind. What's the point of giving advice if you can't hear yourself?
Chapter 6. My taste of life
Chapter 5. My Inner Observer, Myanmar
After the meditation center, Ksenia, along with her monks and friends, continues to travel around Myanmar, studying Buddhism and the role of women in Burmese culture. But most of all, she is interested in psychological sessions with Rainey, where she explores the very experience of "my way". Rainey helps Ksenia see how she herself refuses to be spontaneous. "How to get a taste of life again, to live easily and spontaneously as in my youth? ...Having the experience of maturity?".
A new day of travel begins by asking new questions...
"What is my wealth, apart from material possessions? What does empathy mean, and what exactly can I share with people? How can this be expressed practically now?"
Rainey helps Ksenia believe that her ability to see beauty in others, to admire their choices, roads and maps is not a gift, but a gift that she can share even more, including professionally, if she wants.
Public perceptions of the role of women have changed rapidly in recent decades. On the one hand, it gave women more freedom, but also raised more internal questions...“What's right for me? What is my talent and strength, where can I apply it, and how can I defend it? How do I transform constraints into supports?" Burma helps our heroes understand that the very opportunity to ask questions about the path, with support, is already a privilege and an incredible success.
Chapter 7: My first steps